No, let me rephrase that. I packed everyone up. I did all the laundry ahead of time, planned outfits for the unpredictable Denver weather, considered the “right” toys and distraction for the plane ride, printed out boarding passes in advance, and organized everyone at 5:00 am the morning of our flight.

Ah…I digress.

In any case, this was my family’s first trip back to see my sister’s not-so-new twin daughters. Until the end of March, the girls’ little systems were too sensitive to be exposed to the walking Petri dishes of flu and colds–otherwise known as my kids.. Everyone was very excited for the trip and looking forward to seeing the new additions as well as Paul’s brother and his family who live outside of Denver.

There was only one problem…the plane.

Now, let me clarify something. I grew up overseas and have been flying my entire life. Hopping on and off planes, gathering baggage, and dealing with cranky ticket agents is so much a part of the landscape of my life, I never even think about it. Well, I never thought about it much at all until I had kids.

Now, let me clarify something else. Having an infant on a plane is really no big deal. Infants nurse. They sleep. They are tiny. Infants do not want to run up and down aisles. Infants do not fight with their siblings. Except for the possibility of their ears popping and strangers poking at them, infants could care less about being on a plane.

Not true with toddlers. Especially toddlers like Carmen, who, at 22 months is still technically young enough to be a lap infant, but from a practical point of view would rather be duct taped to a skateboard than sit on someone’s lap for a 2-hour flight. Carmen is our non-cuddly kid. She is also in the phase where she wants to only do what she wants to do when she wants to do. As Paul says, she is "totally unreasonable".

Now, let me clarify something else. My kids have both been flying since they were six weeks old. Paul and I have no family in California, so to see anyone in a shared gene pool, we need to fly. Wherever we go, the girls go with us.

All this to say that after flying with my kids for nearly four years now, I feel somewhat comfortable in offering some practical advice to parents who might be worried or anxious about an upcoming summer flight. I should note that these suggestions are really geared towards children aged six and younger, but I’m sure that they could be adapted for older kids.

Tip #1—Totally lower your expectations. Go into the travel with the mentality that the entire experience will suck, that the kids will act up, and you will feel judged by complete strangers. That way if things go better than expected, you are emotionally ahead of the game.

Tip #2—Bring candy to offer as a bribe. Make sure that the candy is the type that you can parcel out in small increments (i.e. M&Ms, Skittles, Hershey’s kisses). That way you can reward a little at a time. Think Hansel and Gretel (with or without the witch in the cottage, your call).

Tip #3—Bring two of every toy regardless of the age and gender differences of your children. Trust me. Kids that have no common interests will use the plane ride to fight over toys that in other environments they would normally give a crap about.

Tip #4—A portable DVD player will, in fact, become your best friend. Bring an “old favorite” as well as something they have never seen before to make sure you hold their interest. VERY IMPORTANT: Make sure that sucker has been charged up prior to your trip. This tip can totally backfire on you if the movie suddenly stops right before Marlin tries to escape out of the whale with Dory.

Tip #5—Bring plenty of snacks. Even if the kids had a five-course meal just prior to getting on the plane they will immediately complain of unbearable hunger. They will complain of unbearable hunger while repeatedly kicking the seat in front of them.

Tip #6—When the beverage cart comes down the aisle, don’t ask your kids what they want to drink. Just quickly order them water. Otherwise, they will think they have choices and will scream for chocolate milk for the entire duration of the flight.

Tip #7—You, however, should not drink anything at least 24 hours before the flight or while you are on the flight. Your ability to use the restroom will be completely curtailed because a) you won’t be able to get up from your seat with a lap infant and b) even if you can get up, your kid will insist on attending with you and those bathrooms are now so small, it will be totally impossible for you to function in such a confined space.

Tip #8—While walking through the airport, don’t let your kids carry anything themselves. Allowing them to carry things (i.e. blankets, bags, stuffed animals, etc.) really just means that you will end up carrying whatever they were supposed to carry. In all likelihood, you will also end up carrying at least one child, the things they were supposed to carry, and all of the stuff that you need to carry personally (i.e. purse, backpack, stroller).

Tip #9—Teach them to count the swimming pools they can see from the plane. This is a very effective way to keep them occupied during take off and landings and may buy you at least 5 minutes of piece at both the beginning and end of a flight.

And, most importantly…

Tip #10—Plan the flight either during naptime or very early in the morning/very late at night. The kids won’t be able to sleep because they will be too cranked up from the excitement, but at least this way their temper tantrums, outbursts, and inappropriate behavior will provide more opportunity for the “count the dirty looks” game that you can play with your husband.

Happy travels.

At first, I thought it was going to be a disaster. No, I knew it was going to be a disaster. I especially knew it as I sat tightly wedged in between both car seats for the 3-hour trip from Sac. I was unwittingly stuck watching both Madagascar and The Tigger Movie for the 3000th time while Paul and his mom had actual adult conversation the entire way. I, on the other hand, was bestowed with the pleasure of retrieving Crocs constantly being kicked off, organizing snacks and beverage service, refereeing the on-going arguments about who got to read Fancy Nancy, and negotiating an end to the screeching contest that the girls found hysterically funny.

Did I mention I was sitting in between them?

Once we got there, Ava was off-the-charts thrilled. She loves everything about the beach…the sand, the 55 degree water, shells, kites, the other kids. In short, the beach is perfect for being four years old. Not so much for Carmen at (almost) two. She did not embrace the cold water the same way and spent a lot of time complaining about her sandy binky (“it’s yucky, Mommy”).  She did like digging in the sand and, after a while, even warmed up to Sam, the two-year old little boy whose big sister was busy splashing in the water with her big sister.

As for me…well, I just took it all in. I soaked up the surprisingly warm Sonoma Coast sun (in the 80s) and I totally enjoyed my kids, husband, and mother-in-law who were totally enjoying themselves. There was no griping, no fussing, everyone was just having a great time. We actually had one of those days that parents of slightly older children have been telling me would come—“Just hold on, once they get older you can really start doing things together”.

When the fog rolled in I started to panic.

Heading back to the condo meant the perpetual Scooby Doo loop would start again. It meant that Polly Pockets and crayons would be scattered all over the floor just waiting to jump out and attack the feet of the adults. And worst of all, the confined space would certainly encourage bickering or even the commencement of another screeching contest. They would surely forget all about the fresh air and good clean outdoor fun.

We survived the evening, and the next morning, headed to The Tides for breakfast. The bay was totally fogged in and the beached “pirate ship” was barely visible. No beach day for us. Oh no.

Out in the water a half dozen seals popped up from the water, begging for scraps from the fishing boats that had just headed back in from their morning fish run. The girls went wild (having never seen seals in the ocean before). Then we went for a drive out to Bodega Head where we saw more wildlife (mostly birds) and coastal spring flowers all along the road.

And then it happened.

Ava looked at me and said “Mommy, it is much better to go hiking and see nature than watch movies and TV”.

I almost cried.

In that moment the stress, exhaustion, and frustration of retrieving Crocs, organizing snacks and beverage service, refereeing the on-going arguments, and negotiating an end to the screeching contests gave way and I got to see that labor of love pay off.

Surprise…this mom thing…it’s working.